February 2022

25th February 2022

When a loved one dies, there will inevitably be moments when we are reminded of them further down the line. Generally speaking, we do our best to go about our lives and not live in the past, but certain dates throughout the year make it impossible to not think about a bereavement. And this is always hard. You may feel like you won’t be able to cope; it feels like a scary unknown, and you might end up being surprised by how a particular date impacts you. To help you navigate this issue, this blog walks through dates that people often find ‘triggering’ and what you could do to make the process a bit easier.

Anniversaries

The hardest date is usually the anniversary of when someone died. Experiencing this date again, especially for the first time, has a way of bringing back the emotions you felt at the time. You should not beat yourself up for feeling bad at this moment. It’s perfectly normal. Many people tend to visit the deceased’s place of rest and pay respects, as this brings them closer to them and allows for some grief to be processed. However, if this feels like too much for you, there is no obligation on you to do this. You may prefer to do something else entirely.

Birthdays

In similar fashion to anniversaries, the birthday of someone who has died will bring into focus the pain of them not being around anymore. It is a sad reminder that they are no longer with us. You may wish to honour them on this day by doing something they would have liked doing, such as visiting a certain place or imbibing a particular drink they liked. Alternatively, this could be a good time to seek the support and company of friends. Feeling close to the people who are still with you can be important on dark days when your mind keeps drifting towards a loved one who has died.

Celebrations

If, for example, your mother has passed away recently, the coming of Mother’s Day can feel quite triggering. It can be especially hard to see everyone else celebrating with their mothers, so take care to be kind to yourself on this day. Treat yourself. Do something that makes you feel good. Another option, as always, is to reach out to your friends. They will know that this may be a difficult time for you and be happy to spend time with you on this day. You should always feel like you can reach out to your loved ones.

However, if you don’t feel like you can talk to your loved ones about a bereavement at difficult times like these, my bereavement counselling in Harrogate and online provides a safe, confidential, strictly private space for you to talk through your issues in a way that suits you. Feel free to get in touch and ask any questions you might have.

13th February 2022

When we talk about grief, it is immediately assumed that it refers to someone dying. While this is often the case, we can often experience grief following a number of different events that occur in our lives. This is because the feeling of grief is not necessarily linked to death, but more to loss more generally. The anatomy of loss is what I really work with as a bereavement counsellor in Harrogate and online, and as a result I see plenty of clients who are experiencing grief over events other than death. Here are some examples.

Relationships

If you have been married for some time, divorce will inevitably bring a sense of grief. The event of someone who has been with you for many years leaving your life naturally leaves a hole that feels very similar to a bereavement. This can also be the case for relationships that end suddenly on bad terms, either with a romantic partner or close friend. Many parents also go through this process if their child cuts them out of their life.

Job Loss

Due to the pandemic, along with other factors, a good number of people have been released from their jobs after many years of working for that company in recent times. Their workplace becomes like a family – something they see as an integral part of who they are – and when they no longer have that environment, it creates a powerful feeling of loss.

Financial Loss

For many reasons, people can quickly incur a significant financial loss – as was the case for a high number of people in light of the 2007-08 financial crash. Financial loss comes in many forms, such as a court settlement, being frauded, gambling issues, etc. When one loses all their money – or at least a considerable part of it – it feels like they are in a black hole, with no way out. Something they took for granted and deemed vital to their survival has suddenly disappeared, and this rapid transition can be particularly hard to deal with on your own.

If you are struggling with a divorce, recent life transition, or any other loss that has happened in your life, I offer bereavement counselling in Harrogate and online that can help. Feel free to get in touch at any time.