Month: May 2022

26th May 2022

As noted in a previous blog post, people still tend to look at grief in terms of the ‘five stages’ model – something coined in 1969 – which states that we all process a bereavement in the same way: denial, bargaining, anger, depression, acceptance. Since then, a far more nuanced and accurate understanding of grief has developed. People don’t experience these emotions in sequential ‘stages’, nor do we necessarily go through all of them.

When it comes to the so-called ‘anger’ stage, I have seen, over many years as a bereavement counsellor in Harrogate, that there is precious little understanding of what this actually means. And so, in this blog post, we will take a closer look at the role of anger in grief.

Anger Comes in Different Forms

If we think about anger, our mind tends to picture someone shouting, but the emotion of anger is far more complex than that. When someone dies, the person who is grieving may well descend into fits of loud outbursts at people, or nobody in particular, but it is also very possible to be angry in silence. It could be that we are quietly resentful of the person who has died for leaving you. You might be angry towards the doctors for not doing more, or other people who haven’t lost a loved one, or even God.

We experience anger in various ways. Some of us hold it in; others let it out. And it can be directed at yourself, the person who has died, or anyone else.

Something Lies Behind the Anger

Many people, for myriad reasons, find it hard to express complex emotions like fear or sadness. Those emotions are there, but they were never given the space to bring them out into the open in a safe way growing up, and as such can’t vocalise them in adulthood. As a result, these emotions come out as anger. It is their way of telling you they feel sad, or confused, or hurt, or perhaps even scared. If you are feeling this way, I am here to provide bereavement counselling that allows you to engage with these primary emotions and understand them better.

Don’t Suppress It!

Nobody likes to feel angry, but trying to turn it off or avoiding it only makes the matter worse. The emotion remains unresolved. It is important that you go ahead and feel your anger, no matter how difficult it might be. These emotions come up for a reason and the best thing you can do is get present to them.

Of course, I know that showing this anger to family and friends can be extremely difficult – or impossible for you to do. If you are looking for an outlet to process your anger, or any other emotion you may be feeling, I am here to provide compassionate bereavement counselling in Harrogate or online. Give me a call whenever you like.

17th May 2022

After someone dies, or you lose something important, it can be hard to imagine doing anything creative – or anything at all, for that matter. Grief can leave people feeling numb, unmotivated, angry, or highly depressed, and it takes time to work through those emotions. Eventually, though, you may find that creative exploration of any kind – cooking, painting, singing, knitting, etc. – makes you feel better. That is because creativity actively helps with the grieving process in a number of ways. Over the years as a bereavement counsellor in Harrogate and online, I have seen how people have benefitted from being creative.
In this blog post, we will walk through three ways creativity helps with the grieving process.

Stimulates Your Left Brain

The right hemisphere of your brain deals with emotions like anxiety and fear. During periods of grief, this zone is more active. At the same time, the left hemisphere – the area responsible for positive emotions like joy and hope – becomes deactivated, unused. By tapping into your creative bone, you are actively reinvigorating the part of your brain that brings a sense of purpose and play into your life, thereby balancing out the over-activation of the right hemisphere.

Process Painful Emotions

A sense of acute loss will not immediately encourage someone to be creative. There will most likely be a period of shock and mourning. However, after some time, creativity becomes an especially powerful outlet for processing grief. We hold grief in our body, and putting it onto a canvas of some kind – painting, writing, singing, and so on – can have an incredible unburdening effect. Many people struggle to talk about their grief in such direct terms, and it can be much easier to communicate their emotions through creativity.

Focus and Purpose

Whether someone is grieving, or simply struggling with mental health issues not associated with a bereavement, the worst thing they can do is fall idle. Staying with your own thoughts and having nothing to look forward to only makes the situation worse. Having a creative project gets you out of that static headspace. Whether you are writing something, painting, or cooking, the activity forces you to have a sense of focus and purpose, consequently bringing you more in touch with your body and preventing you from isolating yourself with your thoughts.

You might be struggling with a loss of some kind, or perhaps know someone who is grieving. If this is the case, I offer strictly confidential, friendly, personalised bereavement counselling in Harrogate or online. Feel free to give me a call whenever you like.

1st May 2022

When we talk about grief, it is generally understood as a strictly mental process – something that affects the mind and one’s emotions in a big way. And while this is of course true, it also ignores the crucial fact – one ignored by many – that the mind and body are inextricably linked. Being overly stressed or depressed will end up expressing itself in the body, and any physical issues will naturally lead to one feeling worse about themselves. And when it comes to grief, there are a number of physical signs that can emerge. This blog post walks you through three of the main ones that I have noticed during my time as a bereavement counsellor in Harrogate and online.

Appetite and Digestion

At times of high stress, your appetite. You may not feel like eating anything in the aftermath of someone dying; swallowing itself may seem difficult. It could be that you eat more than usual, or only eat a specific kind of comfort food. This is perfectly normal, and you shouldn’t beat yourself up for any changes in your eating habits. Your digestive tract can also be particularly sensitive during this time. You might feel slightly queasy, blocked up, or experience some issues commonly associated with IBS (irritable bowel syndrome).

Aches and Pains

Grief can occasionally cause issues like back pain, headaches, stiffness, or joint pain. This discomfort comes from the higher-than-usual amount of stress hormones being released into your body in the wake of someone dying or experiencing a considerable loss of another kind. In a similar way to ‘broken heart syndrome’, stress hormones directly act on the body, and it is a normal occurrence in the period after losing someone.

Sleep Problems

Having trouble with sleep is an extremely common occurrence after someone dies. Sleep is a time for your mind and body to rest and repair themselves, but if your mind is constantly weighed down by stress and spiralling thoughts, it can be hard to properly switch off. I have worked with a number of people who fear going to sleep, for fear of having nightmares or dreams that the person who died is still alive. Grieving often leads to people being both stressed and exhausted at the same time, which is a debilitating feeling – but one that does pass.

Are you experiencing any of the above physical signs following the death of a loved one? If so, don’t hesitate to get in touch with me to arrange bereavement counselling in Harrogate and online.