Month: December 2021

20th December 2021

Christmas is usually a time for relaxation and family. It gives people the chance to take a break from worrying about their busy, stressful lives – to reconnect with family and recharge ahead of the new year. However, as an experienced bereavement counsellor in Harrogate and online, I know that Christmas can be an extremely difficult period for some individuals. And so, as we head into the festive period, here are a few things to keep in mind.

Christmas Can Remind People of Lost Loved Ones

Given that Christmas is a time for family, this period can be extremely difficult for people who have recently seen a loved one pass away. It will potentially remind them of past years when they enjoyed Christmas together. And with the person who has died suddenly not being there, it can open up wounds for the bereaved individual.

This is especially the case around Christmas; emphasis is strongly on family and one’s normal schedule – work, hobbies, seeing bereavement counsellors, etc. – becomes disrupted, leaving people with no choice but to focus on what they’ve lost. In this sense, it can be a time when grief resurfaces.

Some People Might Want to Be Alone

For people who are mourning the death of a loved one, the idea of doing Christmas in the same way as before might be extremely daunting. This period is a time of traditions, which, in the case of grief, can often bring painful memories to the surface. It could be that the best thing for that person is to be completely alone. They may need some private space to do whatever feels right for them.

If you are suffering from the death of a loved one, or know someone who is, it is therefore important to remember that people shouldn’t be pressured into doing certain traditions if they don’t want to. For instance, someone may prefer to have a non-traditional meal, or avoid having a Christmas tree. Feeling this way is perfectly valid for someone experiencing grief.

Don’t Bottle Up Your Emotions

During the festive season, there is a great pressure to be “on form” – to be happy and conversational – and this can be extremely tiring, especially if you are feeling the opposite. Many people who are grieving will simply “put on a brave face” for the rest of the family, but this is extremely harmful. Bottling up your emotions is the worst thing one can possibly do. If you need to cry, or talk about the person who has died at length, you should not hold yourself back at all. Christmas can make people feel like they should switch off and forget about certain aspects of life, but it may be that talking about it – being truly emotional and vulnerable – feels like the most important, natural thing to do.

I understand that Christmas can be a hard time for people who are grieving – no matter how long it has been since that person has died. If you want a safe, confidential, peaceful place to talk through your emotions in your own time, I offer bereavement counselling in Harrogate and online. Don’t hesitate to get in touch if you have any questions.

12th December 2021

Whether someone close to you has recently died, or someone you know has had a bereavement, it can be hard to know what to feel. People experience a wide range of emotions when someone dies, and it is a tricky thing to navigate. A lot of the time, others will say the wrong thing, or make an assumption about how the bereaved person might be feeling. In this blog post, then, we will walk through the three main misconceptions people have about the grieving process.

People “Get Over” Losing Someone

It is often assumed that you will eventually “get over” the feeling of loss that follows when someone dies, but this is simply not true. Time does not heal everything, and it is understandable that some people never feel quite the same after losing someone deeply close to them, like a child, parent, or best friend. The grief never fully disappears. People think that grief slowly gets smaller over time. But in reality, grief stays the same size, and slowly life starts to grow bigger around it.

Grief Has a Fixed Timeline

Many people believe that grief is at its worst immediately after the death of a loved one, then slowly dies away and never reappears again. This is a very common misconception. Indeed, while some people do move past grief in a linear fashion, it can be very different for others. You may feel fine for months, or even years, before the pain of the loss resurfaces again. That process of grief popping up again after a long time is something I’ve seen often as a bereavement counsellor in Harrogate or online.

Talking About Grief Makes It Worse

Some may fear that talking about grief, about the person who has died, only serves to reopen old wounds and traumatise them all over again. As a result, people hold painful feelings inside, which is never a good thing to do: they get larger in your mind and start to breed a poison all of their own. While the act of talking about your grief may be painful, doing so in a safe, confidential place in the company of a professional allows you to address these feelings in a healthy way and, over time, reduce the impact they have on how you feel every day,

I understand that talking to friends and family about grief can sometimes be hard. Seeing a bereavement counsellor in Harrogate or online, on the other hand, gives you a no-pressure, non-judgemental space to talk through difficult feelings in your own time – and in a way that suits you. Feel free to get in touch with me at any time.