25th February 2022
When a loved one dies, there will inevitably be moments when we are reminded of them further down the line. Generally speaking, we do our best to go about our lives and not live in the past, but certain dates throughout the year make it impossible to not think about a bereavement. And this is always hard. You may feel like you won’t be able to cope; it feels like a scary unknown, and you might end up being surprised by how a particular date impacts you. To help you navigate this issue, this blog walks through dates that people often find ‘triggering’ and what you could do to make the process a bit easier.
The hardest date is usually the anniversary of when someone died. Experiencing this date again, especially for the first time, has a way of bringing back the emotions you felt at the time. You should not beat yourself up for feeling bad at this moment. It’s perfectly normal. Many people tend to visit the deceased’s place of rest and pay respects, as this brings them closer to them and allows for some grief to be processed. However, if this feels like too much for you, there is no obligation on you to do this. You may prefer to do something else entirely.
In similar fashion to anniversaries, the birthday of someone who has died will bring into focus the pain of them not being around anymore. It is a sad reminder that they are no longer with us. You may wish to honour them on this day by doing something they would have liked doing, such as visiting a certain place or imbibing a particular drink they liked. Alternatively, this could be a good time to seek the support and company of friends. Feeling close to the people who are still with you can be important on dark days when your mind keeps drifting towards a loved one who has died.
If, for example, your mother has passed away recently, the coming of Mother’s Day can feel quite triggering. It can be especially hard to see everyone else celebrating with their mothers, so take care to be kind to yourself on this day. Treat yourself. Do something that makes you feel good. Another option, as always, is to reach out to your friends. They will know that this may be a difficult time for you and be happy to spend time with you on this day. You should always feel like you can reach out to your loved ones.
However, if you don’t feel like you can talk to your loved ones about a bereavement at difficult times like these, my bereavement counselling in Harrogate and online provides a safe, confidential, strictly private space for you to talk through your issues in a way that suits you. Feel free to get in touch and ask any questions you might have.