13th January 2023

Losing someone or experiencing a fundamental change in our lives can be very challenging and we often feel that our lives are shattered and will never be the same again. In some ways, this is true, but it doesn’t mean that change is change for the worse.

When the fog of the deep sadness we feel after a loss lifts, we may often begin asking questions. What is the point in our lives? Why should we carry on? What are we going to do now that life has changed so dramatically?

This soul searching is a perfectly natural response to grief and loss, and through this, we can begin to find new purpose and new meaning and above all, hope.

Be kind to yourself

Sometimes, we can be hard on ourselves when we think we need to move on, to get on with things, even though it’s so hard. We need to show some self-compassion, accepting our feelings and our struggles as part of the process. Our landscape has completely changed so we often feel afraid, uncertain, and even anxious about the future, and that’s fine. We need to remember that the journey towards integrating our loss into our lives comes with small, tentative steps and we must accept that, at first, there will be wobbles and stumbles.

Reflect and rebuild

Many people, after suffering a loss, look inwards. Self-reflection is key to helping you reconnect with your core values and principles. What was important to you before your loss may not be so important now. So honest reflection will help you work out who you are now, what is important to you and how you want to move forward. Before, you may have been ‘going through the motions’. By reflecting, you can gain clarity on what is important to you now.

Let your imagination run wild

A drastic change in our lives gives us the opportunity to take stock and think about what really makes us happy, brings us peace and makes us feel fulfilled. Accept that life will be different from here on, so you shouldn’t feel pressure to carry on as you were before.

Think carefully about what you love to do, what makes you happy and let your imagination run wild. See this change as the opportunity to rekindle old passions or start new ones, no matter how scary it may feel.

Be grateful

While reflection and introspection are important for you to create your new landscape, it is also important that you find ways to be grateful. Think about the time you had before your loss, cherishing what it meant to you but accepting that life will be different from now on. Be grateful to those around you who have shown you love and compassion through their support. Show your gratitude by giving love back to those who have helped you and those you hold dear.

You might be struggling with a loss of some kind, or perhaps know someone who is grieving. If this is the case, I offer strictly confidential, friendly, personalised bereavement counselling in Harrogate or online. Feel free to give me a call whenever you like.