Judy Field

Counselling in Harrogate, North Yorkshire


How to Cope With Grief in a Healthier Way in 2022

9th January 2022

As a bereavement counsellor in Harrogate with many years of experience, I know that heading into a new year can be challenging when you are grieving. It can be difficult to feel hopeful or motivated when someone close to you has died, and people often slip into unhealthy habits as a result. And so, to help you ease into the new year, here are some tips
for how to deal with grief in a healthier way over the next year.

Be Selfish

It is common for people to push down their feelings in order to be more “socially acceptable”. You might be someone who ignores their own emotions whilst being a great shoulder to cry on for other people. There is a tendency among people to want to “blend in”, ignoring their actual needs in order to maintain attachments with others. When you are grieving, it is so important to give yourself the space to do what feels right for you. Reclaiming that freedom is one of the healthiest things you can do. Even if it feels wrong and unusual, putting yourself first is such a crucial part of dealing with grief.

 

Set Intentions

Intentions are important in life. If you wake up in the morning and actively set an intention, it is likely you will have a more fulfilling, enjoyable day than if you stumbled out of bed and made things up as you went along. This way of thinking applies especially to dealing with grief. Ahead of this new year, to avoid feeling lost in your grief, it might be helpful to set an intention for what you want to do over the next year, or where you would like to be in a few months. Intentionally grieving – setting a dedicated time during which you can actively grieve the death of a loved one – has been found to be helpful for many people as well.

That said, you must always be kind to yourself. Don’t set extremely demanding intentions, and remember that there is a big difference between intention and expectation.

 

Don’t Put an Expiry Date on Your Grief

Ahead of a new year, people might resolve to “get over” the loss of someone during the next 12 months, but this is not a compassionate or healthy thing to do. Grief, as any bereavement counsellor will tell you, has no expiry date, and is different for each individual. There will never be a time when you are fully “over” the death of someone close to you, nor is there any way to know how long grief lasts. Acknowledging this uncertainty, rather than fighting against it by creating arbitrary deadlines, is without doubt the healthier way to process grief.

 

Don’t Compare Yourself to Others

With social media, it can be incredibly easy to compare your grief with other people. As social creatures, we always define ourselves in relation to other people, but doing this all the time can be harmful. You might be beating yourself up for not getting over the death of a relative as quickly as your sibling, for example. If you find yourself doing this, remember that everyone’s circumstances are unique, and that what you see is only the tip of the iceberg. Your sibling may seem okay, but perhaps deep down they are struggling as well. There are always major limits – and unhealthy consequences – to comparing yourself to others.

 

Feel Your Feelings

Whatever you do, don’t shut off your pain. This is, of course, exceptionally hard; it feels much easier to resort to drinking or other forms of comfort to suppress painful emotions, but doing this only makes things worse. However desperate you become, accept your pain for what it is, because it is in fact trying to hand you a precious gift: the chance of discovering what lies behind sorrow. Hiding from your feelings, no matter how painful they may be, simply doesn’t work. Defending yourself from suffering only means you end up suffering more, and you end up not learning what you can from experience.

 

I understand that expressing difficult raw emotions is not easy, especially around family or loved ones. As a bereavement counsellor in Harrogate or online, I create a safe, confidential space where you can feel your feelings in any way that feels right without fear of judgement. If you would like to arrange a consultation, feel free to give me a call or email at any time.

 

Get in Touch

To find out more about Individual CounsellingBereavement Therapy, Remote Counselling or my other services, you can contact me on 07855 059 964. Due to the nature of my work, I am not always available to answer the phone – please leave a voicemail message and I will get back to you as soon as possible. Appointments now available for in-person sessions, with social distancing in place. My therapy room is well ventilated and cleaned between each client session.

Most of the time I am able to offer you your first therapy session within a few days of your initial enquiry.

View my opening hours

Fees & Location

I offer an optional FREE Initial 30-minute telephone consultation to give you the opportunity to get a sense of what I am like and see whether you think I am someone you feel comfortable talking to about your issues.

By contacting me through the form below you are agreeing to share your personal data with me. For more information about how I securely store and use your data, please see my Privacy Policy.

Opening Hours

I am able to offer day, evening and weekend appointments, subject to availability. My final appointment time on an evening is 8pm, Monday to Thursday and 7pm on a Friday.


Monday: 8am to 9pm

Tuesday: 8am to 9pm

Wednesday: 8am to 9pm

Thursday: 8am to 9pm

Friday: 8am to 8pm

Saturday: 8am to 2pm

Sunday: Closed

Opening Hours

I am able to offer daytime, evening and weekend appointments, subject to availability. My final appointment time on an evening is 8pm, Monday to Thursday and 7pm on a Friday.


Monday: 8am to 9pm

Tuesday: 8am to 9pm

Wednesday: 8am to 9pm

Thursday: 8am to 9pm

Friday: 8am to 8pm

Saturday: 9am to 3pm

Sunday: Closed

Opening Hours

I am able to offer daytime and evening appointments, subject to availability. My final appointment time on an evening is 8pm, Monday to Thursday and 7pm on a Friday.


Monday: 8am to 9pm

Tuesday: 8am to 9pm

Wednesday: 8am to 9pm

Thursday: 8am to 9pm

Friday: 8am to 8pm

Saturday: Closed

Sunday: Closed

Cookie Policy

Cookies are small text files that are placed on your computer by websites that you visit. They are widely used in order to make websites work, or work more efficiently, as well as to provide information to the owners of the site.This website does not require cookies in order to function properly. The information below explains the cookies we use and why.

Cookie
Used For
Cookie Bar (cb-enabled)

This is used to remember whether you have clicked the button to acknowledge our use of cookies. Without this, the bar would always show.

Social Media Sharing Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Google, AddThis

We include Facebook and Twitter plugins on this website to help you share content that may be of interest to your social network. We also use AddThis, which is a service allowing social media sharing with a range of alternatives to Facebook and Twitter. Some pages may also include Google or YouTube features which need cookies in order to work, improve service and prevent fraud.


Note that Social Media companies usually design cookies in a way that enable them to track your activity across multiple websites and this may be a reason you choose to disable cookies.


See How does Facebook use cookies

See AddThis Privacy and Data Practices

See Twitter Privacy Policy

See Google Privacy Policy (includes YouTube)

To read more about how we respect your personal information please view our Privacy Notice which may include more information about our use of cookies.

You have the ability to accept or decline cookies by modifying the settings in your browser, however you may not be able to use all the interactive features of our site if cookies are disabled. To find out more about cookies, including how to see what cookies have been set and how to manage and delete them, visit www.aboutcookies.org.